That's What Makes Me Beautiful

Real talk: I have spent a lot of my life feeling like I was no where near the picture of beauty. I never never considered myself to be anything special. I was riddled with insecurities and tried to avoid them by hiding behind good grades in school, keeping super busy, and not being social so that I wouldn't have to come face to face with my significant lack of self-confidence.

At age 22 I decided to go on a mission. I received my mission call to the Utah Salt Lake City Temple Square Mission. What was initial excitement turned to pure horror less than an hour after opening my call. Nearly ever person I told about my mission call always had a comment about how they only send the Pretty Sisters to Temple Square (to this day that comment makes me feel super uncomfortable). I'm embarrassed to say that each time someone said this I felt like they were taking a long hard look at my outer shell, evaluating what they saw, and trying to figure out why I of all people got called to Temple Square (which is definitely not what you should be concerned about going on a mission). I weirdly felt like I had something to prove.

Proverbs 31 is my mantra and my sister loving made me this print for my birthday. I loved what it said, but it really took this experience for me to start to understand what it was saying.

30 Favour is deceitful, and ^abeauty is vain: but a woman that ^bfeareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

I started praying really hard that I could become this woman. I prayed hard that my inner beauty would shine through my outer shell and that is what people would see. I could change the stuff on the inside. I could improve and become a God-fearing woman. As I started to pray for these things I started to live more true to the guidance in Proverbs 3. It didn't happen immediately but over time I started to believe that I was beautiful, both inside and out because I started seeing myself the way God saw me. Suddenly it was okay that I had imperfections and maybe a long way to go. My confidence started to grow because I didn't have to prove anything to anyone else.  The only person that I am worried about pleasing these days is God because that's what makes me beautiful.