Dear Grandpa

Dear Grandpa Joe, 

I know it's weird I'm writing you a letter.... It never really was about the words with you. It was everything that went unsaid. You holding my hand. You smiling as you watching us eat ice cream. Driving for hours together in silence. Picking strawberries in the garden. Watching you transform something unlikely like and old stick or a ball of yarn into something beautiful. Laughing until you cried. You just sitting beside me when I was an awkward teenager and didn't really know where I belonged.... But I did know I always belonged wherever you were. I'm sorry there is no substitute for the unsaid, so words are all I can give right now.

To be completely honest, I don't want 2014 to come. If 2014 comes that means your birthday has come but you aren't getting any older. Maybe that makes you happy that we've stopped counting. I still feel it's too soon. 


I've missed you. It's been about a year since I last saw you, but I know that you have been close many times since then. Like grandma I have included a picture in your birthday letter (sorry there is no hidden money). Do you remember this New Year's Day 20 years ago? It seems like just yesterday I was 3 years old sitting on your lap and we were here laughing and smiling together. Back in those days the thought of you not being around had never even crossed my mind. As far as I was concerned every new year would be the same with birthday cake, laughter, and smiling. 


I don't think there has ever been a girl on earth who loved their grandpa more than I love you! I will forever be grateful to God that he made it possible for me to tell you myself how much I love you over the phone on Mother's Day. Did you know that I had called earlier but was interrupted so I had to call back later? It was when I called back that mom was with you and we got to say our last words to one another in this life. God knew that I needed those last few words. What a miracle!

Thank you for spending the day with me the day of your funeral instead of being at your own party. You never really did care for big crowds, but I always knew you cared for me. It's exciting that you and I get to be missionaries at the same time. I get to teach people here on earth about how families are forever and about the message that you and I both love, and you get to teach everyone who missed the message here on earth  or those who were so stubborn they needed a second chance in the spirit world. They better watch out because you don't say much, but when you do it's powerful. You and I will make a great team! I am excited for the day we are all resurrected and your body and spirit come together in their perfect form. I'm sure you can't wait to fish and walk and work like you used to.

Sometimes it still makes me sad to think of coming home in a few months and you not being there, because you were always there for the big things. That being said, I know you will be there when I come to my Heavenly home, and that is all that matters. I know you lived a life that qualified you for the best God could give... You get to live with God and your family forever! I am doing my best to live a life that qualifies me for the same and I'm bringing as many as I can with me.

I still often hear your voice in my head saying, "Eri-ka, come see gram-pa"... 

Grandpa, I'm coming!